Saiyuki drabblets
by Sockpuppet-of-love
Summary: Mostly 58. Mostly based on challenges from lj's 100roadtrips community. The Sanbutsushin made me do it.
1. Excellent well: you are a fishmonger

_Doubt thou the stars are fire,_

_Doubt that the sun doth move,_

_Doubt truth to be a liar,_

_But never doubt I love._

"Hey, Hakkai? Whatcha reading"

_Hamlet( to Polonius): Words, words, words._

"Stop your whinging, monkey."

"But Saaaanzo…"

"Fuck. M'outta cigarettes. Hakkai, wanna go for a walk"

_Hamlet: Into my grave._

"Asshole..."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get you some, too. Hakkai? You coming"

_Hamlet: …for there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so._

"Hakkai? You ok"

_Hamlet: Beggar that I am, I am even poor in thanks, but I thank you._

"What? Ah. Yes. Shall we go"


	2. Average speed of an unladen Jeep

"Stop wasting my time. Do you know where the damn thing is?"

"You say you're a Sanzo? And that's supposed to be your monkey?"

"Hey! Sanzooooo…"

"I bet that's not even a real Jeep."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not, it's a dragon!"

"What?"

"It's a little white dragon, and you're sitting on its back!"

"So? We've ridden through the Desert of…"

"Where'd you get the dragon?"

"I found it."

"Found it? Under Heaven? Dragons're Heavenly creatures!"

"What do you mean?"

"Dragons got too much class!"

"The dragon may fly south with the sun,or.. Wait. No. Shut up and die."


	3. Out of the mouths of babes

"Set, his brother, killed him, cut his body into pieces, and threw the pieces into the river. His wife Isis searched the river, and found almost all of the pieces, and put Osiris back together. He could have come back to life then, and been king, but he decided to stay Below and be king of the underworld."

"That's so sad."

"But wasn't Isis his sister?"

"Yes. She was both his sister and his wife. You see…"

"You can't do that!"

"You can't marry your sister!"

"Sensei, that's disgusting!"

"Stupid gods!"

"That's wrong, isn't it, sensei?

"…Ah. It is wrong."


	4. Astrological analogy

"Do you see the triangle of bright stars? That is Vega, and that is Deneb. Long ago, they were once human, a king's daughter and a shepherd, and they fell in love. The king grew angry and had them cast into the sky, with the great night river between them, and he placed a guard, Altair, to keep them apart. Every seven years, the two can meet for a single night, and their tears on parting bring three days' rain."

Gojyo ground out his cigarette. "That sucks. But seven years isn't so long, really."

Hakkai smiled. "No, I suppose it's not."


	5. Dante Allegory

A brief tremor was all the warning given before the hounds burst out of nowhere. Snarling, near-rabid, they flung themselves through the underbrush, snapping off branches and chipping away the bark of the untold acres of leafless trees. Thick, warm blood flowed from the damaged limbs, and the trees moaned.

"…he was going to leave me but I couldn't live without him I had these pills…"

"…disgraced my entire family but I did it again and she was crying I still…"

"…knew it was his child not the demon's child but it was still a monster we never should have…"


	6. Sliders was a great show

Hakkai sighed as another ki-arrow whizzed past his head, then hurriedly checked the timer. This was getting ridiculous.

"Fifteen second to portal, everyone!"

"Good." Sanzo sounded tired. Why he didn't just shoot that other monk, Hakkai couldn't tell. Professional courtesy, perhaps? The man stank of demon energies.

"Ten seconds."

Gojyo growled, then banished shakujou in favour of a cigarette. "Later, puppy."

"Five seconds. Four. Three. Goku, do stop poking that fuzzy creature. One. And…"

The trip through realities was still nauseating, and the landing always bruised.

Especially when the landing involved a skinny swordsman and a washtub.

"Oro?"

"Oh, no."


	7. Sliders is still a great show

"Keeeeeenshiiiiiin! Where's…oh!"

"Ah ha ha. Yes. Perhaps we should offer an explanation? You see…"

"Fuck that. How much time?"

"Time? You got about ten seconds t'explain what the hell just happened. Hey, are you ghosts?"

"No, we're… hey, something smells tasty! Saaaaaanzo…!"

"Shut up, monkey."

"Oi, if you think Ugly's food smells good…"

"Ya-hi-ko!"

"Excuse me, but where are we?"

"Oh, and when! Is this the Meiji?"

"Who the fuck are you people and what the fuck just happened and…"

"Sit."

"Beautiful lady, would you do me the kindness…?"

"P-p-pervert!"

"Everyone going West, the portal leaves in three, two, one…"


	8. Makeover

Y'know that feeling, where the bottom just falls out of your fucking life, and for a moment, you can see exactly what you could've done to stop it, if you'd just been paying enough attention?

Well, the one where you couldn't have done a fucking thing is worse.

Why do I care? 'Cause I don't. I don't care. I don't give a good god damn and I'm out of cigarettes and I'm out of beer and I'll never have another woman on that bed again and my damn hair won't stay out of my…

Eyes.

Eye.

_God_. Where're the scissors?


	9. Of all the sakeya in all of the world

I shoulda known it was too good to last. He'd been dropped into my life like a torn bag of laundry, and I cleaned him up best I could and stitched him back together. Never been good at mending things. Breaking them was always so much easier.

This time, those things got broken for me. It's a sad day when an alcoholic loses his taste for booze. But, like everything else in this world, you just gotta knuckle down and take your medicine.

"Welcome back, Gojyo!"

"Oh, Gojyo, where _have_ you been?"

"We'll set up a table later. I'm feelin' lucky tonight!"

"You look different. Did you cut your hair?"

"Mr. Sha? What'll it be?"

"Whiskey. Straight up, and don't hold back."

It's never a good sign when the pianaman misses a note. It's worse than all the black cats and broken mirrors ever, 'cause whatever it is, is standin' right behind you.

"I heard you were dead."

"Did you think that would stop me?"

"Shoulda known you were different."

"I couldn't leave without seeing you again. There's a dragon leaving town tonight, and I want you to come with me."

"Baby, I'm not takin' my eyes off you again."


	10. Seven years bad luck

"Demon."

"Indeed."

"I was supposed to die."

"Perhaps."

"I wanted to die!"

"Yes. And you did."

"I didn't! First was the Word and the Word was made flesh and you were born, but I'm still here, monster. Murderer."

"Hypocrite. All that remains of you in this body are your scars. Isn't that what you desired?"

"Usurper. Parasite. Ghoul. How dare you live? How dare you walk in my feet, smile with my mouth, see with my eyes!"

"Ah, Cho Gonou. If only you could see what I have seen through your eyes."

"Hakkai? Who you talkin' to in there?"

"…Nobody."


	11. A Sanzo's summer vacation

Goku was snoring loud enough that Sanzo could pretend not to hear anything from the next room.

Fuck'em.

Exhausted, he pulled the sutra off and stretched.

The wind in the trees was no longer an impending storm, it was a distant ocean, with golden sand and clear, high skies that he could walk beneath, alone or not, as he so chose. Walking was a joy, not a chore, when every step was like walking on grass…

Cursing under his breath, Sanzo flung the sutra back around his shoulders, lit another cigarette, and glared out the window at the approaching stormclouds.


	12. All about a man in glasses

He's touching that _creature _again.

I am _not _jealous.

He never leaves me behind, and for that, I am grateful. I have the honour of being forever by his side, and if the cost is watching him sully himself on that smelly redhead, so be it.

Sometimes, I wish we'd never come here, with the redhead and the bouncy one and the powerful one. He's never bored now, though, and the joy that brings him, the gleam in his eye, makes everything worthwhile.

He really does love me, you see. And one day, he and I will do something great.


	13. Alternate Ending of Darkness

It wasn't until he opened his eyes that Hakkai was really dead.

His eyes fuzzily focused on lights and wires and bubbling things and he began to laugh. Oh, good. He was dead too.

"Not quite." The voice in his ear was sticky-hot and stank of coffee and something else familiar. "Left for dead, but not dead yet."

"Who the hell…?"

Warm fingers caressed his leg as a face rose above him, dark hair nearly obscuring a cracked and charred monocle.

"…_Hakkai_?"

A chuckle, and the face bent lower. "If you like."

Gojyo closed his eyes and opened his arms.


	14. Many Worlds

"There's a theory that suggests that every action we undertake creates a whole new reality. In this reality, Sanzo released Goku from his prison. In a different reality, Sanzo may have not heard Goku, or may have opted to ignore him…"

"…like that's possible."

"Indeed. These alternate realities are formed by our actions. So, if I do _this…_"

"…"

"…I create one future, but if I had done _this _instead…."

"…!"

"…I would have created a different future. I also could have done _this…_"

"…ah!"

"…which would initiate a whole _new _set of reactions."

"I got a reaction for you."


	15. Schrodingers kappa

Schroedinger's Kappa

"You're making this up!" Hakkai smiled.

"Let's imagine that we take Gojyo and put him in a motel room. Now, we also put Sanzo in this room, and we lock the door. It would only be a matter of time before Gojyo would annoy Sanzo, and Sanzo would shoot him."

"Now, Sanzo is a good shot, but Gojyo is very quick, so we wouldn't know if Sanzo had killed Gojyo until we opened the door. Therefore, until we open the door and have our proof, Gojyo is both dead and alive!"

"Both dead and alive… aren't those things called 'zombies'?"


	16. Muichi Motsu

"Be strong, Genjo Sanzo."

The blade flashed again, cleaving linen and flesh. The youkai loomed above him in a bloody cloud of teeth and shadows...

_I'm not strong._

...and snored.

Sanzo awoke to a faceful of bushy hair and a patch of drool on his shoulder. Stupid monkey. How many times did he have to tell him...?

Goku muttered in his sleep, curling tighter into Sanzo's side. Sanzo scowled at the intrusion, then sighed and closed his eyes. His fan was on the other side of the room, and the monkey wasn't worth that much effort.

Hold nothing.

_I don't._


End file.
